I personally don't believe in false humility but neither do I believe in braggadocio. Both are a turnoff and I strive to balance in the middle. Currently as I being to write one of the biggest stories of my life I find myself taking a role that hinges on corny, desperate, collar popping. I truly hate it. I want to come forward with a sincere approach but I continue to be over analytical as to what method will grant me the best opportunity to .. for a lack of a better phrase.. "show leg."
As a person that is conscious of my initial medium reaction in response to "spot light" questions. I begin to fear for my future. I can sit for hours and begin to write a delicious prose that might be heart wrenching. But my verbal skills tend to lack. Especially when I need it most.
I than take on the role of being over prepared and this of course can lead to failure. Even while writing this blog I recognize that I'm over thinking what could or could not happen.
I'm simply over hype about this upcoming Friday. It signifies the end of the week but also a beginning to a possible new life. I've been searching for something my entire collegiate experience and I'm positive I found it. I don't expect to find an epiphany if I'm accepted.
But I know I will and can be awesome. Yet, I'm trying to remember what my good friend recently commented, "Sometimes I think God's just a tease. Or rather, He knows what we need and refuses to let us blind ourselves with what we want."
As Tuesday approaches, I note that the worst is nearly over. I have substantial people in my life that have my back and are willing to help me step onto a platform of life. These people I truly treasure and I sincerely hope I can do them proud.
In conclusion, I don't wish for Friday to rush itself. Let me savor this week and delay my having to stand on a cliff prolonged of a fortnight as I shiver in anticipation of denial or acceptance.
But, when March 6, 2009 at 6pm does approach. I will face it with courage of a lioness, the stealth of a monarch butterfly, and the beauty that is within me.
1 comment:
Do you really consider THIS one of the biggest stories of your life? I would hope not SO much importance is placed on this crucial decision. I mean, it's a big decision, and no doubt, it will shape who you become. But it's not the biggest one you'll ever make. Remain encouraged. Expect the best. Be prepared for the worst. Give yourself credit at the least for being brave enough to stand at the cliff's edge where so many others approached, looked down, and walked away.
Here's to Friday.
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