I'm sick. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I'm perpetually in angst, not very depressed, but I'm my life style is not suitable for how I should be living. So I need to detox myself.

My detox-ation begins with the physical. I need to eat healthier, drink healthier, sleep, exercise, and take vitamins.

  • I was a vegetarian for about six years and I began eating meat again in Fall 2007. It is now Spring 2009 and I think I have lost my mind. I'm giving up pork and beef. I'm going back to reading the ingredients and not eating gelatin or foods that come from cow or pig.


Moving Mountains

I just want to find my true love. That is it. That is All. Well I want us to be Together. I need someone strong to stay in my corner. I'm ready for Love.


I can't focus on anything.

I can't focus on anything.

I'm sure I have an exam tomorrow. I'm sure I need to review for it. I'm sure I've coasted throughout my entire life. I'm sure if I'm denied I probably won't die. But will I be bitter? I know I want this.

I know I dreamt of this. I know I've cried for this and the mere thought of entry has ransacked my mind, heart, and soul. I know I have lost friends over it. I know I will live on because of this. I know I'm worthy. I know I'm respectable, a lady, a paradigm of the standards they hold themselves accountable for. I know some have seen me at my worst and I also know I will be my best.


Out Here Grindin

I get so tired of doing the same old thing. Whether its the club, music, dancing, shopping, guys, love, and hate. I'm so ready for new things. I have two possible new jobs - one in Germany with Camp Adventure and the other in San Antonio with City Year. Im probably going to take the job in Germany. I want to live abroad and this the perfect opportunity for me. I'm thinking of all the hot guys, interesting food, beer, and finally how will I wear my hair.

That last thing is the craziest to me - Ive become one of those women I despise... always thinking about my damn hair. The fact of hair gets in the way of my life. I cant even focus on the great things cuz of my damn Afro and whether I should get a weave or micros, cuz I'm not gonna want to do my hair. So that's one of the minor questions that's become major. How unfortunate.

Besides the hair travesty I'm actually excited for Germany. Its a new frontier. I will need to learn some basic German and make some serious money becuz the stipend I get is only $2618 which is nothing because its in Europe. So it would be best if I could make at least $2382 more I would have $5 000, for the whole year in Germany.

Especially since I know I will want to travel so Ima look into some kind of grant, get a loan and work extra hard throughout the summer. This also means I should find a subleaser for the summer so I don't have to waste money on paying rent/utilities.

As I try to get my life together I'm getting uber excited. I turn 22 on June 10, Graduation is Aug 8, Germany is Aug 16. I have one urgent matter that NEEDS to be taken care of... get my drivers license... cant grind if I cant drive. right?


No More Puerto Rican Besos

I miss Gustavo, Yamil, Yolanda, and all the nice people we've met.

I miss the crazy driving of the bus drivers.

I miss the Coral by the Sea- the worst but best hotel ever.

I miss the fried plantains.

I miss the over crispy fried chicken that tasted like fish. lol

I miss the signs in Spanish.

I miss everyone assuming I was Puerto Rican.

I miss Old San Juan.

I miss Walgreens.

I miss Denny's.

I miss the beach.

I miss everyone that spoke Spanish!

I miss seeing all the hot guys... going to the bathroom seeing a hot guy... going to McDonald's and seeing a hot guy... I miss ALL the hot guys!

I miss dancing reggaton, bachata, salsa, merengue and listening to it ALL the Time!

I miss Puerto Rico!!!!


Puerto Rican Besos

So a few Key things I've learned in my journey to Puerto Rico.... Don't get in cars that Do Not say TAXI... You will get ripped off.. for "45$ and Tip." I've designated myself the leader of the group when it comes to making exchanges/ordering things... One I'm more nonsense than the other girls... and I can follow the spanish a bit more easily... Two of my friends are Punjabi-American (parents from India), the other is Tanzanian. So I'm the best for the job. Especially since I claim I'm PR... which could be widely accepted if I spoke fluent spanish.. but I've finally given up on that false dream. I'm black-american. yay me lol but for real yay. Our hotel is Coral by the Sea.. its quite cheap, small, interesting, we will definitely have stories to tell.

So the next thing we've done is go to the beach.. its not as great as the beaches in Hawaii.. the biggest highlight of the last two days... i bought sun glasses AND the hot guys here... I have yet to see an ugly guy! omg .. yummmmmmmmy! bad thing... i can't cash my check... im super broke and my friends keep having to pay for me.. this is getting to be quite horrible especially we keep having to take taxi's! u would think PR would have at least ONE American Bank but they dont... damn Territorty! ugh


My Hair

So I've been looking through so many blogs that are about natural hair and I'm actually impressed. I've been natural since I was 4 years old.

Traditional Locks were my lifestyle until my Junior year of Highschool.

Than I cut it all off! And restarted with Sisterlocks from junior year of high school till my second semester junior year of college

Than I cut it all off

Than I got micros... I was unweavable

Than I wore my hair regular

I even wore a wig for a day or three

Than I got Micros again

Now I'm back to the Afro

Oh and I'm officially a fan of threaded eyebrows


House of Cards in a Hurricane

I personally don't believe in false humility but neither do I believe in braggadocio. Both are a turnoff and I strive to balance in the middle. Currently as I being to write one of the biggest stories of my life I find myself taking a role that hinges on corny, desperate, collar popping. I truly hate it. I want to come forward with a sincere approach but I continue to be over analytical as to what method will grant me the best opportunity to .. for a lack of a better phrase.. "show leg."

As a person that is conscious of my initial medium reaction in response to "spot light" questions. I begin to fear for my future. I can sit for hours and begin to write a delicious prose that might be heart wrenching. But my verbal skills tend to lack. Especially when I need it most.

I than take on the role of being over prepared and this of course can lead to failure. Even while writing this blog I recognize that I'm over thinking what could or could not happen.

I'm simply over hype about this upcoming Friday. It signifies the end of the week but also a beginning to a possible new life. I've been searching for something my entire collegiate experience and I'm positive I found it. I don't expect to find an epiphany if I'm accepted.

But I know I will and can be awesome. Yet, I'm trying to remember what my good friend recently commented, "Sometimes I think God's just a tease. Or rather, He knows what we need and refuses to let us blind ourselves with what we want."

I've Decided

I'm tired. I want it all. But I don't want to work for it. I want the grades but I procrastinate. I want the men but I take the boys. I want the money but I spend it. I'm tired.

So I've Decided to Sleep.