Joe: By saying that God is responsible for some of the mess people go through doesn't make God a good God in my opinion. It's more like "God is good, but he's pretty passive aggressive..but don't worry, the mess he sends your way won't kill you." It's like we're totally ignoring that there is a devil somewhere in the equation and his whole agenda is to kill steal and destroy. I think we get through the situations because of God, but I doubt we are in the situations because of God.
Now.. if God has specifically said something to us and we choose to ignore then it's our own fault when we go through mess. When you're outside of the will of God then you're a bigger target and more than just that area that you're choosing to ignore gets "cursed"..but like I said, you're always going to get shots taken at you via Demons and whatnot.
When I was reading the Old Testament, my spirit was pricked. There was a lot of stuff..crazy stuff that went on that they attributed it all to God. Then I realized that they had no concept of God and they believed that God was both good and evil..so they wrote as if it was God making people do bad things. There were only a few sparse mentions of an evil spirit.
i don't take that saying "God never puts more on you than you can bear" as God got me into this situation but he won't let it kill me. i think it's more like God allows us to go through things usually not even because of the devil but because of our own selfishness and free will gone awry.
sometimes it's not even about the devil it's about us "doing us" and like you said being outside of God's will. However, it's more like, in God's eyes a "just" man falls 7 times, he treats us with undeserved grace and sees beyond what we see, so while we're sitting here weeping, he sees the end product and knows that not only will this stumbling block not kill us, but it will teach us something along the way.
also, usually, and i'll even own this for myself, when we go through things, especially things that are direct consequences of our poor decision making it is the other side of what happens when we try to do things our way. like God told the Isarealites to do something, they decided to bitch and complain about it, and it took them 40 years. so i feel like, i'm out there "bussin it wide open" me catching something, whether it's the HIV, a baby, or a trifling relationship is the 40 year path instead of just taking care of business the first time around.
not God's fault that I used my free will the way i wanted it to. but regardless (irregardless though lol) HE is unchanging, HE has no plans to harm us. so, HE won't put more on us than we can bear, but we can damn shole get our own selves in some shit.