Got 99 Problems but being Drunk ain't one!

That's right folks. I've been stopped!

I drive on the formidable German autobahn, the narrow country roads, the unseemly cobblestone streets, and where RIGHT is before LEFT.

It is a scary experience driving at night in Germany. On the country roads there aren't any lights. Just road reflectors and maybe a sign saying there's a sharp turn. I drive with my high beams on, just to see beyond the car, and I typically refuse to go the max speed limit. The roads in Germany are just to windy and unpredictable. But on the autobahn, well I'm a Speed Demon.

Luckily, in the times I've had my USA & German license.
Yikes I look a Fright!

I've never been stopped, had a ticket, got caught by the cameras, been in accident, etc, etc, etc. Not to say that I'm an awesome driver. I'm not. I'm great when I don't have another adult nervously nitpicking how I'm dangerously close to driving between 2 lanes or how I'm to close to the sidewalk, and maybe that person on the right. lol I kid. But seriously, when someone is nitpicking me and overly anxious. I just can't do it. I'm on all pins & needles. And my driving takes a turn for the worse.

But let's get to my being stopped. So, I'm the D.D. and were coming from a German club and we enter a town --speed limit is reduced immensely-- and I look in my mirror and see STOP.

It's the M-F-N polezi. German Police.

Who are radically known for tazing, beating, and being racially insulting. However all of my subconscious training of fear/rage of being stopped by the Police flies out the window. Yes I'm quite eager to be stopped. Because this is the most exciting thing to happen to me in like FOREVER!

So, they ask the usual. Than they say, would you be willing to take a voluntary breathalyzer. Of course I say yes. Because quiet as its kept. The word voluntary really means -- if you don't take it I will kill your bank account with a horrendoux fine.

But, in my twisted world. I smile and skip to the Polezi's car.

"Have you had anything to drink today?"

"Nope." (I did have a beer around 730pm. It's now 330am)

"Have you ever taken a breathalyzer test?"

"Nope." I proceed to spit out my gum.

"So you just breathe into this until it beeps."

I proceed to breathe. It doesn't work. I smile.

"I'm asthmatic." I chuckle. (I'm not asthmatic)

"Oh okay. Well lets try again."

I breathe again.

"Keep going, keep goooinnnnnnnnng."

The polezi's urging brought me back to the time where I shot gunned a beer in college.

Fun Times.

"beep, beep, beep."

"So you're under the limit. You're good to leave."

"Okie Dokie."

I skip away.

The key thing to remember in Europe is that it is NEVER okay to drive drunk or buzzed. Because if you don't die, you'll get a fine, AND get your license revoked.

The legal limit in Germany is 0.05 while in Ohio its 0.08. So yea. Don't do it.

European Legal Limit BAC:
0.08 = UK, Ireland, Luxembourg, Malta (same as the United States)
0.05 = Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Italy, Latvia, Netherlands, Portugal, Slovenia, Spain
0.04 = Lithuania
0.02 = Norway, Poland, Sweden
Zero tolerance = Estonia, Romania, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Hungary

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